my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
