Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
