how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
