That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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