Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
