Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
