You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
