so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
