I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
