He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
