I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
