I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
my poor anus
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