i jhust puked up my retainher.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
