I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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