i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
