There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
