I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
