I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
