I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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