i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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