Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
