I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
