So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
