the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
