Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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