youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
