Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
