My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This baby is an asshole
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
