I think im going to throw up on grandma
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
