38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
