i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Randomize
