my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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