i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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