im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
