you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
