I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
