Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
