My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
