I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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