omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
