I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
