oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My balls are so social today.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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