Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They have beer where we have blood.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
