does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
