you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
