ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
