Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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