What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
