After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
