So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We're too hungover to prance.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
