I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
