can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
